If you don't have a Nicole Roberts in your life, you should get one. But not her, she's mine. (haha!) Nicole is my treasure-hunting friend. She's great at the biblical call to uncover hidden treasure in people, but she's also super good at scouting out the best deals, sales, recipes, books, and she'll even preview movies for me and gauge whether I'm mature enough to handle them or not. See? Shes great! A true friend. She often makes my life easier. Anyway, she's the one who told me about, (insisted that I read), 7 by Jen Hatmaker. And it's awesome.
You can read the publishers press release about the book and sort of shrug like I did, thinking it's just another self-help book, or you could obey your friend, and buy the book. I did both. Shrug, and then obey. And then I cried. And laughed, like, A LOT. This book is hilarious! And then I did a lot of thinking, reflecting, examining, and eventually, inevitably, I found myself fighting off the urge to vomit over how far off course I was. I am. We are. It's deep, you guys. Deep.
Here are some of the takeaways for our family.
* We are rich compared to most of the world. Like, loaded. And selfish. (Enter gut-wrenching sad face.) We are shifting our thinking in this area, determined to feed our greedy hearts less, and our impoverished neighbors more. Starting here at home. And just so we're clear, we plan to brainwash our children accordingly.
One small goal for us will be to spend $105-/mos. like this.
$20- for a child's pair of tennis shoes, donated to our daughters' elementary school.
$25- for a pair of adult tennis shoes for a homeless woman or man.
$25- loan to help fund a small business through kiva.org.
$35- to sponsor a child abroad and/or to stop child trafficking.
Small amount of money...big potential.
* We will waste less and care for the earth more. No more romping around like we own this place, leaving a huge trail of trash in our wake. We country folk will recycle. We will use what we have. We will attempt to shop more responsibly, and from fair-trade companies when we can.
* We will serve where we can, when we can, not veering away from opportunities to meet the less fortunate face-to-face. Speaking of face-to-face. We hope to love our neighbors a little better.
* We will give our kids room to be passionate about what they're interested in. For Claire, it's helping the deaf (her idea, pre-book). And Avery will continue to address the human flight crisis. Meaning, she's 6 and wants more than anything to fly like a bird.
I wonder what the littlest ones will pursue.
* We will do church the way church was meant to be done. (Read the book...meaning, the Bible.) No offense intended.
* We will simplify, pare down and live within our means, and maybe even below our means. (Wouldn't that be something!!)
* We will continue to try not to waste food. "No, you may not be done! Finish your food!" Just like the book...just because you know there's more food in the pantry doesn't mean you get to throw dinner in the trashcan because it's not your favorite. No ma'am, no sir.
* We will try to pray differently. More focused, vast, yet precise prayers.
* We will try to fast Isaiah 58 style. "Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them and do not hide from relatives who need your help."
* We will tattoo Matthew 25:40 onto our hearts. “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’"
This list is incomplete. We will probably fail in many of these areas, but we will try. And we will not give up. Lord, let us never give up.
The author said something that ruined me. She talked about how there is more slavery today than any other time in history. And then she said something like, "When my grandchildren ask me what I did to end slavery I want to have something to say."
And so do I. So do we.
I know this all seems ultra noble and maybe even pretentious, but it's the result of an awakening that's occurred in my soul. I honestly feel like I just woke up after a long winter's nap. Like I'm stretching, squinting, blinking, and processing where I've been and what's in store. I'm happy for this new day. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to live closer to the heart of God than I ever have before. And I'll do it in the simplest, most plain way possible.
Good morning world. My name is Jenny.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Okay, my turn to take a crack at the married couple questionnaire. I'm certain I'll look back on this in 10, 20, 75 years and think, "Oh, I was so naive." Or maybe not. I'm sure I'll think something. :) Either way, here goes.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
I had a dream of my husband before I met Josh. The dream came right after I renounced all dating, declaring to the Lord that I would like to be a single missionary forever because dating stinks, and so do guys. :) That night I had a dream, and saw my husband's hair and silhouette...and I fell in love. We met a few months later. We knew about a week into dating that we had found 'the one.' I wasn't scared for the first time in my life. I was something more like, over-the-moon.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
Because I told him every, (and I mean every), ugly detail about my past and he looked at me afterwards and said, "I love you." It only confirmed what I already knew in my heart...that he was the one I loved for my whole life.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after almost 10 years of marriage?
Relax sooner. Let go of insecurities faster. Determine to use my words more wisely. Show my love and appreciation for my husband more freely. Other than that I wouldn't change a thing...especially not these munchkins of ours!
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
I like the answer a friend of mine had, so I'll steal it... Remember that God is faithful to provide all of your needs.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
These came from my husband, directed to me. He's always said, divorce isn't an option. (Thank God! I've never wanted to divorce him, but I might've divorced me already if I were him.)
And he once told me, "I just need you to get on my team." That changed me. I realized that I wasn't playing as a team. It was a benchmark moment in my life.
We've also learned the importance of fighting fair. We aren't allowed to use the words, 'always' and 'never' when we fight. (Ie. You 'always' do that.) It's not fair and it doesn't give the other person any credit for growth.
Also, keep the main thing the main thing. (Thanks Rick Joyner.)
And my advice... Take time to learn about the differences between the male and female brain. We are different creatures. We think and operate so differently. Learning about this was a huge light bulb moment in my life.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
For me it's the deep down security of knowing that he loves me with all his heart, and that he prefers me and likes me. And also the basics, that he's a Christian and loves the Lord with all his heart. I also find great security in knowing that he can fix or build anything. That he would kill anything that tried to harm us. And that he's an inventive genius. I also like the way he sings and plays music. He's gifted to the max. I'm proud to be his wife.
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
I don't know. They're all mixed in with all the fun moments of our marriage. I liked getting my treadmill that one year on V Day. I also liked getting a shotgun another year on V Day.
8. You got married young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We had to hold on to our marriage while we learned to become one. We were 23 (me) and 21 (him) when we got married. Now we realize that our individuality is beautiful and wonderful, (we've learned to really savor the uniqueness we see in each other), but like the 85 year couple said, we are stronger together.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 10-year marriage?
Our kids for sure. And also the songs Josh has written for me and the house he built for us.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes! You learn to NOT become so easily offended. Laughing during disagreements is much more the norm these days. Learning about the differences between the male and female brain has helped me greatly with patience. For example, if Josh is listening to some complicated jazz ensemble on the radio I know that he is lost somewhere in his mind, inventing some new contraption, and therefore talking to him won't be nearly as effective as it would be if I wait to talk to him until later. :)
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
I hate it. But, I complain a lot less than I used to because I really try to focus on the significance of why we're apart, and also that we made the decision together that the trip was necessary. But, I prefer being together.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
I chose him. He chooses me. Divorce isn't an option. This too shall pass. Most of all, I love him!
13. Is fighting important?
Definitely. Bottled up emotions only result in untimely, ugly explosions. Talking, disagreeing, airing grievances, etc. is so key. Women are better at this...we talk way more...men like to stuff feelings more. It's a process to meet in the middle. Have a fight. Fight fair. And make up. It's healthy. But no fighting in front of the kids. We've done this...much to our embarrassment.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
At the end of the day, everything else can leave, but as long as we have each other and our kids, we'll be okay. And the Lord is the head of our home.
I love hearing answers to these questions. If you're so inclined, take the quiz yourself and message it to me. Like I said before...I love free wisdom! :)
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
I had a dream of my husband before I met Josh. The dream came right after I renounced all dating, declaring to the Lord that I would like to be a single missionary forever because dating stinks, and so do guys. :) That night I had a dream, and saw my husband's hair and silhouette...and I fell in love. We met a few months later. We knew about a week into dating that we had found 'the one.' I wasn't scared for the first time in my life. I was something more like, over-the-moon.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
Because I told him every, (and I mean every), ugly detail about my past and he looked at me afterwards and said, "I love you." It only confirmed what I already knew in my heart...that he was the one I loved for my whole life.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after almost 10 years of marriage?
Relax sooner. Let go of insecurities faster. Determine to use my words more wisely. Show my love and appreciation for my husband more freely. Other than that I wouldn't change a thing...especially not these munchkins of ours!
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
I like the answer a friend of mine had, so I'll steal it... Remember that God is faithful to provide all of your needs.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
These came from my husband, directed to me. He's always said, divorce isn't an option. (Thank God! I've never wanted to divorce him, but I might've divorced me already if I were him.)
And he once told me, "I just need you to get on my team." That changed me. I realized that I wasn't playing as a team. It was a benchmark moment in my life.
We've also learned the importance of fighting fair. We aren't allowed to use the words, 'always' and 'never' when we fight. (Ie. You 'always' do that.) It's not fair and it doesn't give the other person any credit for growth.
Also, keep the main thing the main thing. (Thanks Rick Joyner.)
And my advice... Take time to learn about the differences between the male and female brain. We are different creatures. We think and operate so differently. Learning about this was a huge light bulb moment in my life.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
For me it's the deep down security of knowing that he loves me with all his heart, and that he prefers me and likes me. And also the basics, that he's a Christian and loves the Lord with all his heart. I also find great security in knowing that he can fix or build anything. That he would kill anything that tried to harm us. And that he's an inventive genius. I also like the way he sings and plays music. He's gifted to the max. I'm proud to be his wife.
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
I don't know. They're all mixed in with all the fun moments of our marriage. I liked getting my treadmill that one year on V Day. I also liked getting a shotgun another year on V Day.
8. You got married young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We had to hold on to our marriage while we learned to become one. We were 23 (me) and 21 (him) when we got married. Now we realize that our individuality is beautiful and wonderful, (we've learned to really savor the uniqueness we see in each other), but like the 85 year couple said, we are stronger together.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 10-year marriage?
Our kids for sure. And also the songs Josh has written for me and the house he built for us.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes! You learn to NOT become so easily offended. Laughing during disagreements is much more the norm these days. Learning about the differences between the male and female brain has helped me greatly with patience. For example, if Josh is listening to some complicated jazz ensemble on the radio I know that he is lost somewhere in his mind, inventing some new contraption, and therefore talking to him won't be nearly as effective as it would be if I wait to talk to him until later. :)
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
I hate it. But, I complain a lot less than I used to because I really try to focus on the significance of why we're apart, and also that we made the decision together that the trip was necessary. But, I prefer being together.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
I chose him. He chooses me. Divorce isn't an option. This too shall pass. Most of all, I love him!
13. Is fighting important?
Definitely. Bottled up emotions only result in untimely, ugly explosions. Talking, disagreeing, airing grievances, etc. is so key. Women are better at this...we talk way more...men like to stuff feelings more. It's a process to meet in the middle. Have a fight. Fight fair. And make up. It's healthy. But no fighting in front of the kids. We've done this...much to our embarrassment.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
At the end of the day, everything else can leave, but as long as we have each other and our kids, we'll be okay. And the Lord is the head of our home.
I love hearing answers to these questions. If you're so inclined, take the quiz yourself and message it to me. Like I said before...I love free wisdom! :)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Love & Marriage...they go together like a horse & carriage...
Remember that theme song? You were singing along, weren't you? :) You'll be relieved to know I'm not going to write about Al & Peg Bundy. Not this time. Although I am half distracted thinking back on those ridiculous episodes I used to get a kick out of when I was little. Such a weird dynamic in that house. (sigh)
Anyway, back to the blog...it's all about l-o-v-e.
This past Valentine's Day I came across an interview done between the folks at twitter and the world record holders for the longest living married couple. 85 years. Whoa! It was sweet to the brim. I cried. I like marriage. I love being married. I also love gleaning wisdom from those who've been at it longer than Josh and I have. (This June marks 10 big ones for us. Or would they be 10 little ones when you compare our run to 85 years? No worries. That will be us in 75 years.)
So, taking inspiration from the good folks at twitter, and advantage of some friends that are role models to me where marriage is concerned, I replicated the interview and posed the same questions to a few couples. Here are the first two I'll share.
Couple 1:
Meet Scott and Deb Williams. Married for 30 years. Cry over a few answers like I did. And laugh at others. Either way, wrap up their secrets and put them in your marriage wisdom pocket to be pulled out as needed. Cheers!
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
We made each other laugh! And yes, we were both scared because we both had previous bad relationships.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
It was just a feeling for both of us (neither of us were walking with the Lord). I am actually the one who told Scott, "We are going to get married." I just knew.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
Not really. I mean, marriage is a process. It is learning to give constantly. There are so many elements to marriage. There is the physical love, the emotional love, the friendship, and all of those come and go. It is learning to be content where you are, riding out the storms when the come, and remembering that God is in control no matter what.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
WAIT!! Young people are in too much of a hurry. No one should settle. Everything should be in place...a person should not compromise.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Keep the Lord above everything, as your first love.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Haha. I think that this is really something that is individual. What might make a good spouse to one may be totally different to another. For me, it is knowing that my husband is the head of my household, that he can really take care of me. I never worry about things breaking or being protected. Those things are important to me. We have weathered quite a bit, and as you get older the things that made him a good husband when he was 20 are still what makes him a good husband at 50!
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Taking a quilt out in the middle of field in the country and just being together. :)
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We got married at 22. It is difficult to marry young. We had to learn who we were as individuals as well as learn to grow as one as a couple. The key is giving each other space to be who they are...which is hard to do when you are young.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
The two beautiful daughters we have. :)
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes, it does because your relationship really becomes one of genuine friendship. As far as patience, it just comes with age and time. The things that bothered you at 20 do not bother you at 50. Haha.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? Rejoicing! Haha. We never have been apart more than a few days. But those times apart are actually good for the relationship. It is during those times you can develop as a person and do things you would not normally do when your spouse is there.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Try not to go to bed angry. Everything is better in the morning sun. :)
13. Is fighting important?
Yes. Get it out. It is important to verbalize your feelings and emotions, but be careful not to do it in anger.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are best friends.
Sweet, right? It's a process...that's key!
Couple 2:
Here's another one. Only this time it's anonymous. It's packed full of good stuff...hang on, take it all in. If you're a crybaby like me, you'll probably cry again.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
TERRIFIED! I have four older sisters who had all been married and divorced before I ever got married. He was fearless.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
I prayed and got an answer. He heard it when he met me.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
30 years....mmmm...I would have gotten to the good parts sooner. lol I would have decided that small things are SMALL things.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
God is faithful to provide for all of our needs.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Never mother your husband. If his alarm clock goes off and he does not get up, let him live with the consequences. If you begin mothering, you will always mother. Best advice I ever got.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Truthfulness, faithfulness, love for God, love for family...
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
My husband brought a dozen roses to each of us: Me, my daughter, and my niece who was living with us. Sweet! Each of them were our favorite color of roses. We normally do not celebrate Valentine's day since we try to make everyday Valentine's.
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We grew up together. We did the same classes together and have grown more than one business together. We do have VERY different interests, but there are so many we have that are the same. I prayed for him to become the man God wanted him to be (many times) so he would not become what I wanted him to be. I like God's handiwork.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
7th and 17th....when our two kids were born....lots of adjustments but so worth it Oh, and our son was a 'girl'....by all sonograms. He was a lovely surprise.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
We have found that some things don't have to be said anymore.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
I learned to get a backbone and just weather it. We have done this A LOT...and I mean A LOT.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
I love him.
13. Is fighting important?
Ugh...NO...disagreement is. Stay an individual and not mind-melding clones. He is a guy and thinks like a guy. I most certainly do not want him to think like I do. Life would be dull without that.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
Love for God and people, our KIDS and each other!
PS: The most fun thing about our relationship is that he is an adventurer.I just grab him and hang on tightly. Guys tend to be the risk takers. I try to not squelch that. It gets us
into some trouble, but it has not killed anyone. Ha!
Amazing, right? Thought provoking for sure! Did you grow? I think I did.
Special thanks to my friends who lead busy, busy lives and still took the time to share wisdom with all of us who like to get things for free. Lessons and wisdom are the best kind of freebies if you ask me!
To read the interview that inspired me, visit: http://blacklikemoi.com/2012/02/black-news-2/relationship-advice-from-the-longest-living-married-couple-married-for-85-years/
Anyway, back to the blog...it's all about l-o-v-e.
This past Valentine's Day I came across an interview done between the folks at twitter and the world record holders for the longest living married couple. 85 years. Whoa! It was sweet to the brim. I cried. I like marriage. I love being married. I also love gleaning wisdom from those who've been at it longer than Josh and I have. (This June marks 10 big ones for us. Or would they be 10 little ones when you compare our run to 85 years? No worries. That will be us in 75 years.)
So, taking inspiration from the good folks at twitter, and advantage of some friends that are role models to me where marriage is concerned, I replicated the interview and posed the same questions to a few couples. Here are the first two I'll share.
Couple 1:
Meet Scott and Deb Williams. Married for 30 years. Cry over a few answers like I did. And laugh at others. Either way, wrap up their secrets and put them in your marriage wisdom pocket to be pulled out as needed. Cheers!
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
We made each other laugh! And yes, we were both scared because we both had previous bad relationships.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
It was just a feeling for both of us (neither of us were walking with the Lord). I am actually the one who told Scott, "We are going to get married." I just knew.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
Not really. I mean, marriage is a process. It is learning to give constantly. There are so many elements to marriage. There is the physical love, the emotional love, the friendship, and all of those come and go. It is learning to be content where you are, riding out the storms when the come, and remembering that God is in control no matter what.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
WAIT!! Young people are in too much of a hurry. No one should settle. Everything should be in place...a person should not compromise.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Keep the Lord above everything, as your first love.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Haha. I think that this is really something that is individual. What might make a good spouse to one may be totally different to another. For me, it is knowing that my husband is the head of my household, that he can really take care of me. I never worry about things breaking or being protected. Those things are important to me. We have weathered quite a bit, and as you get older the things that made him a good husband when he was 20 are still what makes him a good husband at 50!
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Taking a quilt out in the middle of field in the country and just being together. :)
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We got married at 22. It is difficult to marry young. We had to learn who we were as individuals as well as learn to grow as one as a couple. The key is giving each other space to be who they are...which is hard to do when you are young.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
The two beautiful daughters we have. :)
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes, it does because your relationship really becomes one of genuine friendship. As far as patience, it just comes with age and time. The things that bothered you at 20 do not bother you at 50. Haha.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? Rejoicing! Haha. We never have been apart more than a few days. But those times apart are actually good for the relationship. It is during those times you can develop as a person and do things you would not normally do when your spouse is there.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Try not to go to bed angry. Everything is better in the morning sun. :)
13. Is fighting important?
Yes. Get it out. It is important to verbalize your feelings and emotions, but be careful not to do it in anger.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are best friends.
Sweet, right? It's a process...that's key!
Couple 2:
Here's another one. Only this time it's anonymous. It's packed full of good stuff...hang on, take it all in. If you're a crybaby like me, you'll probably cry again.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
TERRIFIED! I have four older sisters who had all been married and divorced before I ever got married. He was fearless.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
I prayed and got an answer. He heard it when he met me.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
30 years....mmmm...I would have gotten to the good parts sooner. lol I would have decided that small things are SMALL things.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
God is faithful to provide for all of our needs.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Never mother your husband. If his alarm clock goes off and he does not get up, let him live with the consequences. If you begin mothering, you will always mother. Best advice I ever got.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Truthfulness, faithfulness, love for God, love for family...
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
My husband brought a dozen roses to each of us: Me, my daughter, and my niece who was living with us. Sweet! Each of them were our favorite color of roses. We normally do not celebrate Valentine's day since we try to make everyday Valentine's.
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We grew up together. We did the same classes together and have grown more than one business together. We do have VERY different interests, but there are so many we have that are the same. I prayed for him to become the man God wanted him to be (many times) so he would not become what I wanted him to be. I like God's handiwork.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
7th and 17th....when our two kids were born....lots of adjustments but so worth it Oh, and our son was a 'girl'....by all sonograms. He was a lovely surprise.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
We have found that some things don't have to be said anymore.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
I learned to get a backbone and just weather it. We have done this A LOT...and I mean A LOT.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
I love him.
13. Is fighting important?
Ugh...NO...disagreement is. Stay an individual and not mind-melding clones. He is a guy and thinks like a guy. I most certainly do not want him to think like I do. Life would be dull without that.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
Love for God and people, our KIDS and each other!
PS: The most fun thing about our relationship is that he is an adventurer.I just grab him and hang on tightly. Guys tend to be the risk takers. I try to not squelch that. It gets us
into some trouble, but it has not killed anyone. Ha!
Amazing, right? Thought provoking for sure! Did you grow? I think I did.
Special thanks to my friends who lead busy, busy lives and still took the time to share wisdom with all of us who like to get things for free. Lessons and wisdom are the best kind of freebies if you ask me!
To read the interview that inspired me, visit: http://blacklikemoi.com/2012/02/black-news-2/relationship-advice-from-the-longest-living-married-couple-married-for-85-years/
Sunday, February 5, 2012
And Joel Makes 6!
January 20th. 4am. Josh and I are up and at 'em. The house is quiet, save the excitement and anticipation spilling from our pores as we think about our big day ahead. Thoughts run rampant as bags are checked, lists for the babysitter double-checked, book bags for the girls put into the van, odds and ends tied up, one final look around the house, and it's time to go. The start of Josh's truck says so. I'm of course 5 minutes behind schedule. I'm a Mom. I have a lot of stuff rolling around in my brain. A lot of people to look after. :) Josh meets me at the door, grabs my bag, puts it in the truck and hurries back for me. The slam of the truck door and tires crunching through the gravel as they make their way down our drive signal something's different this morning at the Trask house.
We arrive at the hospital at 5:15am, quickly check in with the ER receiving desk, strap on my admitting bracelet, sign a few forms, I grab Josh's hands and we're off. Floor 2. Ding. The labor and delivery ward is expecting us. A nice nurse greets us, takes my paperwork and before I know it I'm in a hospital bed having an IV put in. An IV means this is for real this time.
The IV nearly makes me lose it. What would otherwise be no big deal nearly made me pass out. Mostly because the nurse inserting it was having a hard time, grimacing as she tried to get it right, and after a failed attempt, I had to put her in time-out. She switched hands and I threw a penalty flag. I asked her to wait a couple minutes because I could feel blurriness coming on and the room beginning to move. After some water, a few deep breaths, (and silent prayers for her success), I was ready to begin again. Round 2 = success. The room was back to normal and I was ready to go.
I was monitored for nearly 45 minutes and then it was pitocin time. I was induced for the fourth time. Why? Several reasons. Joel was measuring big. I was in and out of the hospital so many times, with contractions that never fully stopped, that the doctor felt sorry for me. I was 4cm and almost entirely effaced. I was tired. I was 39 weeks. I said, yes. Josh said, yes. I talked it over with Joel, (for real), and he said, yes. So, that's why. You raised your eyebrows at that last part, didn't you? That's okay.
I texted some friends to ask for prayer. And then got out my ipad for some Sudoku, which I've become pretty good at.
At about 6:30am pitocin began. The doctor broke my water at some point thereafter. My friend Nicole arrived at about 7am. She, Josh and I talked about all sorts of things until things got rough, and then it got quiet. Josh and Nicole were great. Josh knows this labor thing very well by now, and also knows well when my contractions go from tolerable, to uh-oh, so he's a big help to me. Nicole was really sweet and I was happy to have her there.
I had two intrathecals (shots that relieve pain, and last for about 1 1/2 hours before wearing off), and then I had Joel at 11:41am. About 5 hours of labor. Pitocin makes your contractions go from a level 1 discomfort to a whoa! level of discomfort fairly rapidly, especially if the amount of pitocin administered is done at a fast pace, which was the case for me. I was used to it.
Side note: The anesthesiologist might very well be the sweetest little old man in town. He should be retired, but he loves what he does and doesn't want to quit. He's apparently climbed every tall mountain in the world and is an avid snow skier. He was definitely a bright spot in my morning...especially after he gave me that shot. :)
Joel was born with no complications. I think I only pushed for 10 minutes at most. He was bigger than I expected, weighing in at a whopping 8lbs. 11oz.
We arrive at the hospital at 5:15am, quickly check in with the ER receiving desk, strap on my admitting bracelet, sign a few forms, I grab Josh's hands and we're off. Floor 2. Ding. The labor and delivery ward is expecting us. A nice nurse greets us, takes my paperwork and before I know it I'm in a hospital bed having an IV put in. An IV means this is for real this time.
The IV nearly makes me lose it. What would otherwise be no big deal nearly made me pass out. Mostly because the nurse inserting it was having a hard time, grimacing as she tried to get it right, and after a failed attempt, I had to put her in time-out. She switched hands and I threw a penalty flag. I asked her to wait a couple minutes because I could feel blurriness coming on and the room beginning to move. After some water, a few deep breaths, (and silent prayers for her success), I was ready to begin again. Round 2 = success. The room was back to normal and I was ready to go.
I was monitored for nearly 45 minutes and then it was pitocin time. I was induced for the fourth time. Why? Several reasons. Joel was measuring big. I was in and out of the hospital so many times, with contractions that never fully stopped, that the doctor felt sorry for me. I was 4cm and almost entirely effaced. I was tired. I was 39 weeks. I said, yes. Josh said, yes. I talked it over with Joel, (for real), and he said, yes. So, that's why. You raised your eyebrows at that last part, didn't you? That's okay.
I texted some friends to ask for prayer. And then got out my ipad for some Sudoku, which I've become pretty good at.
At about 6:30am pitocin began. The doctor broke my water at some point thereafter. My friend Nicole arrived at about 7am. She, Josh and I talked about all sorts of things until things got rough, and then it got quiet. Josh and Nicole were great. Josh knows this labor thing very well by now, and also knows well when my contractions go from tolerable, to uh-oh, so he's a big help to me. Nicole was really sweet and I was happy to have her there.
I had two intrathecals (shots that relieve pain, and last for about 1 1/2 hours before wearing off), and then I had Joel at 11:41am. About 5 hours of labor. Pitocin makes your contractions go from a level 1 discomfort to a whoa! level of discomfort fairly rapidly, especially if the amount of pitocin administered is done at a fast pace, which was the case for me. I was used to it.
Side note: The anesthesiologist might very well be the sweetest little old man in town. He should be retired, but he loves what he does and doesn't want to quit. He's apparently climbed every tall mountain in the world and is an avid snow skier. He was definitely a bright spot in my morning...especially after he gave me that shot. :)
Joel was born with no complications. I think I only pushed for 10 minutes at most. He was bigger than I expected, weighing in at a whopping 8lbs. 11oz.
I think he surprised all of us. I’ve never had a baby bigger than 7lbs. 12oz. He came out with a perfectly round head, and once he was cleaned, a perfectly smooth complexion.
I thought I might’ve had an all natural birth this time around, meaning no intervention by the hospital in the form of medicine, but that wasn’t the case, and I’m okay with it. I’m not particularly extreme either way about medicine and labor and delivery. I think I'm more in the, "I trust the Lord, and I know He'll protect us no matter what," camp. That's just me. To each their own.
As you can imagine, our hearts are full and our family is complete. We are thrilled to add our son, Joel David, to our house full of girls. This will be an adventure for sure. And we plan to savor every second, or at least try to!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
We have been InVaDed!
A quiet Saturday morning finds me nursing my sweet boy in the stillness of our house. There are a few birds outside my window, which I'm so thankful for. We've had a more than mild winter here so there hasn't been a day that I've not found birds of all kinds singing, jumping, hopping and sputtering outside my window. Flying too, of course. That is, after they inspect the wooded forest outside. I love their sweet sounds.
I can hear Claire Lauren in the living room talking quietly to her Daddy who has just returned from a 4-6am shift of 24hr worship up the hill. It's raining. The sprinkling sound is the perfect compliment to the sounds of the morning. It's so peaceful.
And then it happens. The invasion.
Noelle is awake. I spot her moving on the video monitor next to me. I alert Daddy, and he comes to get her. A quick sippy cup of almond milk for her and then it begins. The parade of children down the hall. I know where they're going. A few seconds later, and they've arrived. The invasion has begun. They've come to see "buddy," and to see what they can get into. Actually I take that back. I don't think they truly know why they've come until they get here. They are adventurers, explorers, treasure hunters, thrill seekers. They're spur-of-the-moment gals. We say, good morning, and then it hits. The chaos of 4 kids.
Claire jumps onto the bed, walks around like a dog sniffing out its prey and almost instantly finds what shes after. The remote. Without asking, she takes the liberty of tuning our tv to Phineas and Ferb, and then proceeds to arrange the pillows on our bed to precisely fit her snuggle bill. And then she settles in for some good quality Saturday morning laughs. Daddy's side of the bed has been occupied.
Avery jumps on to what we refer to as, "the ugly chair," does a few little fairy-tale-Avery-spins and small jumps, and finally plops down. She starts drawing a family portrait of us on her new dry ease board that she got as a prize from school yesterday. She begins narrating what she's drawing, why she's drawing it, and why she's chosen the look of each person in her portrait. She's invested in this picture.
Noelle is busy trying to climb onto my nightstand to talk on her "phone" (the baby monitor) for which I am adamantly reprimanding her for, and simultaneously asking for kisses from, since she's so close to me. She obeys after a few threats, finally gives me a kiss, and then shifts her focus to something else of interest...my fig newton stash. There are only 3 left. I offer her one to eat. She takes it, but doesn't eat it. She'd rather put it, and the other two, everywhere except her mouth. (She managed to shove a couple into her Daddy's mouth, who by the way, is now trying to rest on my side of the bed.)
And then there's Joel. Still nursing. Unaffected by the tornado that just blew in. I notice his long eye lashes and the way his expression changes as he eats, and I'm overwhelmed. I'm in awe. I look around, marveling at my life. It's wild. It's raucous. It's loud. And I realize for the hundred-millionth time that I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love the quiet still sounds and rustlings of the house, and I appreciate those moments so much. They are quite necessary. And there are no doubt times when I'm irritated by the circus coming to town that so easily (and efficiently) banishes the quiet, and steals my wonderings and day dreams. But once it's here it only takes but a second for me to look around at the miracles bouncing off the walls to realize that the circus life is the only life for me. My wonderings and day dreams aren't stolen. I take that back. They're only put on hold for a bit while I choose to realize that my best work, my most magnificent day dreams are spilling over with life right in front of me. I find myself in a time-outside-of-time moment and I'm almost certain it's only but a dream. And then someone breaks something, and it's business as usual. :)
We are thetrask6, and I wouldn't have it any other way! Happy Saturday morning!
I can hear Claire Lauren in the living room talking quietly to her Daddy who has just returned from a 4-6am shift of 24hr worship up the hill. It's raining. The sprinkling sound is the perfect compliment to the sounds of the morning. It's so peaceful.
And then it happens. The invasion.
Noelle is awake. I spot her moving on the video monitor next to me. I alert Daddy, and he comes to get her. A quick sippy cup of almond milk for her and then it begins. The parade of children down the hall. I know where they're going. A few seconds later, and they've arrived. The invasion has begun. They've come to see "buddy," and to see what they can get into. Actually I take that back. I don't think they truly know why they've come until they get here. They are adventurers, explorers, treasure hunters, thrill seekers. They're spur-of-the-moment gals. We say, good morning, and then it hits. The chaos of 4 kids.
Claire jumps onto the bed, walks around like a dog sniffing out its prey and almost instantly finds what shes after. The remote. Without asking, she takes the liberty of tuning our tv to Phineas and Ferb, and then proceeds to arrange the pillows on our bed to precisely fit her snuggle bill. And then she settles in for some good quality Saturday morning laughs. Daddy's side of the bed has been occupied.
Avery jumps on to what we refer to as, "the ugly chair," does a few little fairy-tale-Avery-spins and small jumps, and finally plops down. She starts drawing a family portrait of us on her new dry ease board that she got as a prize from school yesterday. She begins narrating what she's drawing, why she's drawing it, and why she's chosen the look of each person in her portrait. She's invested in this picture.
Noelle is busy trying to climb onto my nightstand to talk on her "phone" (the baby monitor) for which I am adamantly reprimanding her for, and simultaneously asking for kisses from, since she's so close to me. She obeys after a few threats, finally gives me a kiss, and then shifts her focus to something else of interest...my fig newton stash. There are only 3 left. I offer her one to eat. She takes it, but doesn't eat it. She'd rather put it, and the other two, everywhere except her mouth. (She managed to shove a couple into her Daddy's mouth, who by the way, is now trying to rest on my side of the bed.)
And then there's Joel. Still nursing. Unaffected by the tornado that just blew in. I notice his long eye lashes and the way his expression changes as he eats, and I'm overwhelmed. I'm in awe. I look around, marveling at my life. It's wild. It's raucous. It's loud. And I realize for the hundred-millionth time that I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love the quiet still sounds and rustlings of the house, and I appreciate those moments so much. They are quite necessary. And there are no doubt times when I'm irritated by the circus coming to town that so easily (and efficiently) banishes the quiet, and steals my wonderings and day dreams. But once it's here it only takes but a second for me to look around at the miracles bouncing off the walls to realize that the circus life is the only life for me. My wonderings and day dreams aren't stolen. I take that back. They're only put on hold for a bit while I choose to realize that my best work, my most magnificent day dreams are spilling over with life right in front of me. I find myself in a time-outside-of-time moment and I'm almost certain it's only but a dream. And then someone breaks something, and it's business as usual. :)
We are thetrask6, and I wouldn't have it any other way! Happy Saturday morning!
Friday, December 16, 2011
34 weeks.
A little update.
I am 34 weeks pregnant today (cue applause!!). Yesterday I went into the hospital for a third time during this pregnancy, after three days of persistent contractions. And for the third time I was adamant that I did not need to go when the doctors office insisted that it was necessary. But, like the previous two times, I gave in and once again found myself on floor 2 at our local hospital. Fun times!
Here's why I don't like to go. I feel like if I'm just having uncomfortable contractions, no matter how frequent, I'm okay as long as he's okay...and I know in my heart that he's okay. (Like Kris Vallotton says, "Vision gives pain a purpose.") I can handle the discomfort as long as it means he's still hanging in there, and doing fine. And he always is. I know it's important to be monitored, but I also know I'm okay. I just know it.
Yesterday actually turned out great! That whole, "the third time's a charm," thing happened. It was still long, (a solid 5 1/2 hours), but it was different. Before I went in, I prayed like I always do. And then I took the elevator up to labor and delivery to once again rendezvous with that lovely gown that always greets me in a haphazard fashion, either laying on the bed or on the food tray (strange). And then I climbed into the bed that comes apart in about 17 different ways. Functionality beats comfort by a long shot in those beds. They're functional and that's it.
I decided against tv for about 5 hours of my visit. I just didn't want the noise of it. TV doesn't really matter so much to me anyway. I often times prefer quiet over the static of nothingness on tv. So, I grabbed my iPhone instead and went right to, where else, Facebook. Haha!
I found two great things on my news feed right away. And I think the Lord put them there on purpose. The first was a clip by Bill Johnson about staying in the rest of the Lord. It's about staying at peace no matter what comes your way. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about rest and boundaries during this pregnancy so I knew He was up to something when that clip caught my eye, and eventually my attention.
Here's the link if you want to watch : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvkE4PyVZrs&sns=em. It's a quick 9 minute watch with a lot of impact. You have 9 minutes, don't you? (No pressure!) :)
After that, I happened upon Bill Johnson's daughter singing a song called, Healer. Again, it felt like the Lord, so back to YouTube I went.
Another link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3aBhGu4ryg&sns=em
These are the lyrics:
Healer:
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
Bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
As soon as the song started I turned it up all the way and put it on my belly for our baby to hear. (I know the song says the word, 'disease,' in it. I know we don't have a disease, but the song was so perfect nevertheless.) I cried during the bridge of the song. I felt like me and my baby were especially singing that part to Jesus. We really believe He holds our worlds in His hands.
As the song played I had moments of, "I hope this song isn't too loud, and I hope it's okay that I'm using my cell phone," but then I got over that, and just didn't care. I felt the presence of the Lord so strong in the hospital room that I thought any hospital worker would be so lucky to come in and feel the peace that had now taken over my room, my baby, our hearts and our spirits. It was pretty special. So then I moved right along to Jenn Johnson singing, "I Love Your Presence." One of my all-time worship songs. And then I just sat there, lingering in peace that felt so thick and tangible. Intoxicating. And I had contractions almost the whole time, but they were much less noticeable. Funny how that works. ;)
My friend, Nicole, came to see me for the last 40 minutes or so, and that was so sweet. We just sat and talked, and laughed, and moved from one half-conversation to the next, like we always do. Totally random and unpredictable. I love how we can go from one topic to the next, back to the first, into the third, finish the first, and then go somewhere else entirely. Good friends are good at that.
The doctor came in at the end and said that my preterm labor test was negative. (Great news!) She did go ahead and give me a shot of betamethasone though, to help strengthen the baby's lungs should he come early. (I had to go back for a second shot today. Ouch.) And then she said that the baby could come anytime after 35 weeks and be just fine. I told her that I didn't want to keep coming back to the hospital every time I start having more than 4 contractions in an hour. (That's their rule of thumb.) I said, "I feel like its pointless." She understood what I meant and told me that since this is my 4th baby my body just knows what to do, and so do I, so she gave me permission to only come back if I find myself in hard labor, like the kind you have right before delivery. Or if something major happens, (water breaks, bleeding, etc.) I was relieved. I was so tired of everyone panicking, (namely the folks at he doctors office).
The contractions I've been having are uncomfortable and persistent, but that's it. I'm 2cm dilated, (sorry men-folk), but that's it. So, as of now, I'm still having to take it easy, and rest as much as possible, and I'm trying to. It's been hard, but things are settling down now. I'm officially done Christmas shopping (hooray), and have no big engagements coming up, so I'm finding rest easier to come by now. Phew!
So, who knows when baby boy will come? He could come early, or he could come on time. Probably not late though. Time will tell. The only thing I'm sure of at this point is that the Lord has my world, and his, in His great big hands. That's enough for me.
This is our last baby, as far as I know, so I have determined to savor every last second of being pregnant. I love him more than my heart understands, just like I love my princesses, and I'd rather spend my time resting, loving on his life and destiny than worrying about the discomfort. It's not always easy, but it's the goal. He'll be here before we know it. What does he look like? Hmmm... Handsome for sure! Delicious and breathtaking, definitely. Completion to our family, absolutely.
Here are a few sweet quotes to leave you with...
"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
"Nobody will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of love."
Okay, that's all. Me and baby boy are well. I hope all of you are too!
Love & Merry Christmas!!
I am 34 weeks pregnant today (cue applause!!). Yesterday I went into the hospital for a third time during this pregnancy, after three days of persistent contractions. And for the third time I was adamant that I did not need to go when the doctors office insisted that it was necessary. But, like the previous two times, I gave in and once again found myself on floor 2 at our local hospital. Fun times!
Here's why I don't like to go. I feel like if I'm just having uncomfortable contractions, no matter how frequent, I'm okay as long as he's okay...and I know in my heart that he's okay. (Like Kris Vallotton says, "Vision gives pain a purpose.") I can handle the discomfort as long as it means he's still hanging in there, and doing fine. And he always is. I know it's important to be monitored, but I also know I'm okay. I just know it.
Yesterday actually turned out great! That whole, "the third time's a charm," thing happened. It was still long, (a solid 5 1/2 hours), but it was different. Before I went in, I prayed like I always do. And then I took the elevator up to labor and delivery to once again rendezvous with that lovely gown that always greets me in a haphazard fashion, either laying on the bed or on the food tray (strange). And then I climbed into the bed that comes apart in about 17 different ways. Functionality beats comfort by a long shot in those beds. They're functional and that's it.
I decided against tv for about 5 hours of my visit. I just didn't want the noise of it. TV doesn't really matter so much to me anyway. I often times prefer quiet over the static of nothingness on tv. So, I grabbed my iPhone instead and went right to, where else, Facebook. Haha!
I found two great things on my news feed right away. And I think the Lord put them there on purpose. The first was a clip by Bill Johnson about staying in the rest of the Lord. It's about staying at peace no matter what comes your way. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about rest and boundaries during this pregnancy so I knew He was up to something when that clip caught my eye, and eventually my attention.
Here's the link if you want to watch : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvkE4PyVZrs&sns=em. It's a quick 9 minute watch with a lot of impact. You have 9 minutes, don't you? (No pressure!) :)
After that, I happened upon Bill Johnson's daughter singing a song called, Healer. Again, it felt like the Lord, so back to YouTube I went.
Another link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3aBhGu4ryg&sns=em
These are the lyrics:
Healer:
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
Bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
As soon as the song started I turned it up all the way and put it on my belly for our baby to hear. (I know the song says the word, 'disease,' in it. I know we don't have a disease, but the song was so perfect nevertheless.) I cried during the bridge of the song. I felt like me and my baby were especially singing that part to Jesus. We really believe He holds our worlds in His hands.
As the song played I had moments of, "I hope this song isn't too loud, and I hope it's okay that I'm using my cell phone," but then I got over that, and just didn't care. I felt the presence of the Lord so strong in the hospital room that I thought any hospital worker would be so lucky to come in and feel the peace that had now taken over my room, my baby, our hearts and our spirits. It was pretty special. So then I moved right along to Jenn Johnson singing, "I Love Your Presence." One of my all-time worship songs. And then I just sat there, lingering in peace that felt so thick and tangible. Intoxicating. And I had contractions almost the whole time, but they were much less noticeable. Funny how that works. ;)
My friend, Nicole, came to see me for the last 40 minutes or so, and that was so sweet. We just sat and talked, and laughed, and moved from one half-conversation to the next, like we always do. Totally random and unpredictable. I love how we can go from one topic to the next, back to the first, into the third, finish the first, and then go somewhere else entirely. Good friends are good at that.
The doctor came in at the end and said that my preterm labor test was negative. (Great news!) She did go ahead and give me a shot of betamethasone though, to help strengthen the baby's lungs should he come early. (I had to go back for a second shot today. Ouch.) And then she said that the baby could come anytime after 35 weeks and be just fine. I told her that I didn't want to keep coming back to the hospital every time I start having more than 4 contractions in an hour. (That's their rule of thumb.) I said, "I feel like its pointless." She understood what I meant and told me that since this is my 4th baby my body just knows what to do, and so do I, so she gave me permission to only come back if I find myself in hard labor, like the kind you have right before delivery. Or if something major happens, (water breaks, bleeding, etc.) I was relieved. I was so tired of everyone panicking, (namely the folks at he doctors office).
The contractions I've been having are uncomfortable and persistent, but that's it. I'm 2cm dilated, (sorry men-folk), but that's it. So, as of now, I'm still having to take it easy, and rest as much as possible, and I'm trying to. It's been hard, but things are settling down now. I'm officially done Christmas shopping (hooray), and have no big engagements coming up, so I'm finding rest easier to come by now. Phew!
So, who knows when baby boy will come? He could come early, or he could come on time. Probably not late though. Time will tell. The only thing I'm sure of at this point is that the Lord has my world, and his, in His great big hands. That's enough for me.
This is our last baby, as far as I know, so I have determined to savor every last second of being pregnant. I love him more than my heart understands, just like I love my princesses, and I'd rather spend my time resting, loving on his life and destiny than worrying about the discomfort. It's not always easy, but it's the goal. He'll be here before we know it. What does he look like? Hmmm... Handsome for sure! Delicious and breathtaking, definitely. Completion to our family, absolutely.
Here are a few sweet quotes to leave you with...
"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
"Nobody will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of love."
Okay, that's all. Me and baby boy are well. I hope all of you are too!
Love & Merry Christmas!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
30 Weeks
Yesterday I spent a solid 6 hours in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors measuring unrelenting contractions. I'm only 30 weeks pregnant so contractions at this point are no good, and better yet, unnecessary. Totally inappropriate, if you ask me. :) 6 hours of tv, some texting, shifting around in a terribly uncomfortable bed, starving, and desperate for answers. I wanted to go home. I was all by myself. No one to talk to, nothing of importance to do. I occasionally glanced out my big window to look on the view of the parking lot of people coming and going. I had moments of wondering who the people were, and what their purpose at the hospital was, and then I was back to shifting around in my bed, trying not to disturb the monitors stuck to my basketball belly. Overall I was miserable.
But then I had a moment where my despair and pity were usurped briefly by the wonder of life. It happened when I looked back at the monitors to read their numbers and happened to notice the baby bed sitting nearby, ready to receive new life. (I was in a labor and delivery room -- not a monitoring room -- those were full. So, my room was all set and staged for the ushering in of a new, sweet life.) I admit it, I only looked at it for about 10 seconds or so, but in those quick seconds my mind shifted from, "this stinks," to awe and wonder, and the thought of what my little boy will look like when we meet face to face. Love rushed in, and moved on my heart. I was overtaken by the mystery of new life, and the destiny that begins to breathe on it's own, for the very first time, in rooms like these. It was magical. It was precious. The sure steady sound of my baby's audible heartbeat on the monitor in the background only amplified the perfect nostalgia of the moment.
Despondency became joy.
And then I was back to watching the Food Network, salivating at the sight of food, and regretting the 4 graham crackers I had earlier that morning. (I would've had a box full had I known I'd soon go hungry. I know. 6 hours isn't that long, but I'm pregnant, and used to eating whenever I like.)
The funny thing about the onset of these contractions is that I had been telling myself this whole pregnancy, "I just need to make it to 30 weeks." (Why, you ask? I have no idea.) 30 weeks arrive, and, BAM, full-on contractions, and not Braxton-Hicks contractions. Contractions like I remember having the day I went in to have Noelle. (**Warning: Careful what you think and say.**)
So, a trip to the hospital, and a negative preterm labor test later, and I'm back at home with orders to take it easy. The contractions have set things in motion for the arrival of our baby, however, not so much so that I can't manage holding off on his big debut for now. But, the way to do that is to do nothing. I'll give it a try. I mean, within reason. I have a family to take care of, but as my doctor put it yesterday, "You are the only one who can take care of this baby right now. You need to do whatever it takes to do that." Her words made an impression on me. I had an "ah-ha" moment. I realized again the privilege I have of protecting this baby in my belly until God thinks he's ready to come see us in person. That's pretty special.
So, maybe I'll blog more, craft more, or invent new ways to be productive while sitting still. Or maybe I'll finally take the advice of a friend who is near and dear to my heart, and very much like Jesus, and do nothing. She just told me (a few days prior to the onset of these contractions) that it's time to rest, to reassess boundaries, and stop doing so much. She's right. I'm going to give it a try. Besides, I'm starting to finally understand that rest really does bring life's sweetest moments. Rest and time for reflection pull you out of the confusion of the moment, and right into the heart of God. Rest brings sweet revelation, and appreciation for the little things in life...just like the feeling I felt when I looked over at that baby bed. Rest is good. Necessary. Rest makes you breathe better.
One more quick thing before I go. This past week I have been to the hospital twice, (once for me, and once for Noelle), and to the pediatrician's office once for Claire. All 3 times the visits have ended in what I'll call, false alarms. No significant injuries, illnesses, or nightmare diagnosis's. All 3 times have resulted in praising God for His omniscient presence in our lives, and for His strong hand that refuses to let go of us. For His unswerving gaze that keeps us safe and protected. For His love. The night before Noelle's visit to the ER found me sleeping in her room, on the floor, on a very thin futon mattress, (pregnant), and while the sleep I got was insignificant at best, it was one of the sweetest nights I've had in my life, ever. I've never been so aware of angels and Heaven and Jesus as I was that night. Her room felt stuffy and intoxicating, but in a good way, make that, great way. It felt like all of Heaven lived in her room. I'm pretty sure it does. The next day a friend said, "Ahh, a room of no worries. Perfect peace." That's what it was. It was a room where a child of God lay sleeping in perfect peace, being completely certain of the promise of a new day, and even if that day didn't come, it wouldn't matter anyway. There was perfect peace, steady breathing, and beautiful rest.
Babies live in the now, and trust in their caretakers to provide for them, believing, without a doubt, that they will. And if they don't, it doesn't matter, because their Creator, whom they still know very well is with them. I'd like to get back to that. I'd like to be the child that the Bible encourages me to be. My kids are helping me learn. Divine circumstances are helping me see. I pray I'm becoming a good student. I pray I can put into practice what I'm beginning to understand. God, help me! :)
Until next time....
But then I had a moment where my despair and pity were usurped briefly by the wonder of life. It happened when I looked back at the monitors to read their numbers and happened to notice the baby bed sitting nearby, ready to receive new life. (I was in a labor and delivery room -- not a monitoring room -- those were full. So, my room was all set and staged for the ushering in of a new, sweet life.) I admit it, I only looked at it for about 10 seconds or so, but in those quick seconds my mind shifted from, "this stinks," to awe and wonder, and the thought of what my little boy will look like when we meet face to face. Love rushed in, and moved on my heart. I was overtaken by the mystery of new life, and the destiny that begins to breathe on it's own, for the very first time, in rooms like these. It was magical. It was precious. The sure steady sound of my baby's audible heartbeat on the monitor in the background only amplified the perfect nostalgia of the moment.
Despondency became joy.
And then I was back to watching the Food Network, salivating at the sight of food, and regretting the 4 graham crackers I had earlier that morning. (I would've had a box full had I known I'd soon go hungry. I know. 6 hours isn't that long, but I'm pregnant, and used to eating whenever I like.)
The funny thing about the onset of these contractions is that I had been telling myself this whole pregnancy, "I just need to make it to 30 weeks." (Why, you ask? I have no idea.) 30 weeks arrive, and, BAM, full-on contractions, and not Braxton-Hicks contractions. Contractions like I remember having the day I went in to have Noelle. (**Warning: Careful what you think and say.**)
So, a trip to the hospital, and a negative preterm labor test later, and I'm back at home with orders to take it easy. The contractions have set things in motion for the arrival of our baby, however, not so much so that I can't manage holding off on his big debut for now. But, the way to do that is to do nothing. I'll give it a try. I mean, within reason. I have a family to take care of, but as my doctor put it yesterday, "You are the only one who can take care of this baby right now. You need to do whatever it takes to do that." Her words made an impression on me. I had an "ah-ha" moment. I realized again the privilege I have of protecting this baby in my belly until God thinks he's ready to come see us in person. That's pretty special.
So, maybe I'll blog more, craft more, or invent new ways to be productive while sitting still. Or maybe I'll finally take the advice of a friend who is near and dear to my heart, and very much like Jesus, and do nothing. She just told me (a few days prior to the onset of these contractions) that it's time to rest, to reassess boundaries, and stop doing so much. She's right. I'm going to give it a try. Besides, I'm starting to finally understand that rest really does bring life's sweetest moments. Rest and time for reflection pull you out of the confusion of the moment, and right into the heart of God. Rest brings sweet revelation, and appreciation for the little things in life...just like the feeling I felt when I looked over at that baby bed. Rest is good. Necessary. Rest makes you breathe better.
One more quick thing before I go. This past week I have been to the hospital twice, (once for me, and once for Noelle), and to the pediatrician's office once for Claire. All 3 times the visits have ended in what I'll call, false alarms. No significant injuries, illnesses, or nightmare diagnosis's. All 3 times have resulted in praising God for His omniscient presence in our lives, and for His strong hand that refuses to let go of us. For His unswerving gaze that keeps us safe and protected. For His love. The night before Noelle's visit to the ER found me sleeping in her room, on the floor, on a very thin futon mattress, (pregnant), and while the sleep I got was insignificant at best, it was one of the sweetest nights I've had in my life, ever. I've never been so aware of angels and Heaven and Jesus as I was that night. Her room felt stuffy and intoxicating, but in a good way, make that, great way. It felt like all of Heaven lived in her room. I'm pretty sure it does. The next day a friend said, "Ahh, a room of no worries. Perfect peace." That's what it was. It was a room where a child of God lay sleeping in perfect peace, being completely certain of the promise of a new day, and even if that day didn't come, it wouldn't matter anyway. There was perfect peace, steady breathing, and beautiful rest.
Babies live in the now, and trust in their caretakers to provide for them, believing, without a doubt, that they will. And if they don't, it doesn't matter, because their Creator, whom they still know very well is with them. I'd like to get back to that. I'd like to be the child that the Bible encourages me to be. My kids are helping me learn. Divine circumstances are helping me see. I pray I'm becoming a good student. I pray I can put into practice what I'm beginning to understand. God, help me! :)
Until next time....
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