Dear Mom...Happy Mother's Day!

A little Mother's Day tribute to my Mama.  She's the best!  Pretty, witty, beautiful and mine. 



Hard to find
The words to begin
This story of her
I mean...
It goes on without end
I've known her the longest
From then until now
She carried me to term
And look at us now

She won my first smile
She earned it for sure
She held me close
With her, I'm secure

Such a powerful love
The world's never known
Than the one that grows
Between a mother and her own

I may not remember
That one September 5
When my eyes found yours
And my lungs breathed life

A quick little greeting
A healthy hello
Then off to sleep
In your arms I'd go

Completely at peace
Not knowing for sure
What life would bring
…No matter, no worries
Of you I was sure

I knew in my heart
What the years have proved now
That wherever you are
Wherever we'd go
We'd always be safe
Somehow I knew

You're a force to be reckoned with
A strong, steady lady
Trouble falls at your feet
You make the devil feel fainty

You've taught me so much
From manners to strength
That love's worth a fight
No matter the length.
Hate is a cuss word,
Never leave in a fight,
Settle your scores,
Put dreams to flight.

Your no-matter-whats
Made me feel safe
They may have been extreme
But they instilled in me, faith
That no matter what,
And come what may,
You'd always be there
With an, I Love You, to say.

You have a way with words
And from you I've found mine
You have a knack for writing
Me too, I find

Thanks for all
you've instilled in me
My heart started with you
And Jesus, our King

You're more than my mom
Or my very best friend
You're heroic and precious
And I love you without end

Wherever you are
My heart is at home
Your love will find me
To remind me,
I'm never alone

So from now ‘til forever
I will shine just like you
My eyes are your eyes
And my cheeks are yours too.

I'll end with a thank you
One more time
For all you do
My mama, divine!

And, also, another
(just for good measure),
I love you for always,
My forever treasure

Willie Hardee

April 22, 2012. My heart was stolen for the bazillionth time by a one, Willie Hardee. We've never actually met, Willie and I, so the relationship is very one-sided at this point. I only admired him from across a dance floor at a wedding. A wedding I wasn't invited to.

Now, before you go labeling me, wedding-crasher/husband-cheater, let me explain.

My friend, Nicole Roberts hired me last weekend as her, (don't laugh), umbrella holder. She's a photographer, and in her moment of despair she asked me if I would come with her to an outdoor wedding she was shooting since it was scheduled on the same day as a 70% chance of rain. Canon and rain don't mix. I said, yes.

My goal for the day was to be the best umbrella holder I could be. I didn't want Nicole's expensive camera dying a tragic death-by-drowning on my watch so I watched her like a hawk. I waited for a quick nod, (or not), and boom, I'd run like an imbecile to cover her and Canon. I'm a good friend.

I did other more important, less nerdy tasks during the day, but for the most part, my mission was to protect the camera and the bride from the rain. I was kind of secret service about the whole thing. Stealth mode was the goal. Nerd-city was probably the verdict. Either way, I did my thang. Canon lived. I rested easy in the knowledge of a job well done. Nicole said, thank you, and threw around the phrase, life-saver. It was a good day.

Okay, back to Willie Hardee. He's the groom's grandpa, and he likes to dance. When I happened upon him he was owning the dance floor, meaning he was the only one on it, save one small boy who was probably about 2-1/2 years old if my mommy age guesser serves me correct. The boy was fascinated with Willie. They danced together like dancing was their way to maintain life. They weren't intimidated by onlookers. They could care less if the dance floor was open for dancing or not. There was music. There was room on the floor. And there was dancing. Willie outlasted the small boy by far. The boy fell several times during their dance party, and every time Willie would bend down to help the little guy find his feet again. You could tell Willie enjoyed his dancing companion. I imagine the boy liked Willie just as well. He looked like he felt safe. Like he was staring wisdom in the face and couldn't, wouldn't let go. Like he could see the future in Willie's eyes and he felt encouraged and hopeful by it. Or was it the other way around? Either way it was magical and emotional. New life and older life. New beginnings, and a legacy secure. It was a wonderful contradiction to witness. Now, it could be that I cried because I was having an, "I miss my 3-month-old little boy" moment, or it could be that tears came because I got to see two worlds meet and crash, and dance and move, and push and pull life into and out of each other. It reminded me of Jesus and the people He calls the greatest in the Kingdom. Pure and childlike is the only way I can describe it. It was almost too much to take. Being just the umbrella holder, I whipped out my iPhone to keep this moment forever. At this point I felt very much like a weirdo-stalker, but I couldn't help myself.

iPhones aren't the best at taking dancing pictures.

Canon had my back. Thanks Canon.

This is Nicole, Canon and Willie.  See Nicole's face?  That's what happens when you talk to Willie.  He's hilarious.

After the wedding I got in touch with Willie's daughter, Ginger (mother of the groom), to sort of repent for falling head over heels for her dad. Well, actually, I knew I'd want to write about him and I thought it wrong not to ask first. And I'm so glad I did. I scored the most precious interview. It's recorded. I got to hear Willie tell me stories as I sat crouched like a cat on my bedroom floor glued to my iPad that couldn't move because it was charging. I got to hear Willie laugh, and cry, and sing(!), and speak honestly from his heart. And to make the interview even more special, I got to hear his daughter ask him the questions I wrote. One of the best parts is how the interview is punctuated with moments of quiet laughter between a father and his daughter. I could hear Mrs. Hardee in the background on occasion too. It was a gift.

This is Ginger, her husband, Bobby, and the beautiful bride and groom, Christina and Jonathan.

And this is the interview. 
(Really awesome photos, courtesy of alivelyphotography, and Nicole Roberts.)

*******************************

How many children do you have? What's one word/sentence you'd use to describe each one?
I have 2. They're both precious. Ginger. She's phenomenal and sweet. Rick. He's precious too. I just love them both.

What did you do for a living?
I was a brick layer all my life.
(Fitting when you think about what brick layers do. They lay foundations and build up. That's Willie, I can tell.)

How did your career shape who you are?
It was good to me. I always had a job. I never drew a day's unemployment. God always kept me busy. And then I went into business for myself. I never advertised for work, it just came. I took pride in it. I'm in good health. I thank God. It kept me active. Always doing something. I worked hard. I didn't try to see what I could get by with. I always tried to do the best I could do. Some people did enough just to get by. I never did that. I wanted my boss's job. I want his job. That's how I worked. I don't know if that's the right attitude to have, but I had it, and thought of it anyway. I enjoyed my work and still do. Of course I don't do much work now. I'm gonna finish up tomorrow what I started today...and that was nothing. (Insert sweet Willie laugh.) I'm gonna finish up and start another one tomorrow. I'm gonna finish that job up tomorrow, and start another one the next day. (Now Willie and Ginger are both laughing...and so am I.)

Where did you grow up?
I grew up in Horry County in South Carolina. 9 miles from Cherry Grove beach.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
I don't know. I didn't never think much about it. I just took it one day at a time. And whatever come, well that's what come. I quit school when I was sixteen. I went two months in high school and didn't go back. I did construction work when I was 16, making $0.50/hr, and I thought that was cool. I started laying brick when I was 17.
I rode my bicycle down to the beach to the drive-in theatre. A bunch of us boys. When I was...I guess probably 14 or 15. It was a Sunday evening. Traffic was rough and bad, like it usually is on a Sunday. When I came in the next morning I had a surprise. My daddy come in there and got me out of bed. Had nothing but my shorts on, and he tore my fanny up because I rode my bicycle to the beach. He was trying to save me, take care of me, you know. He thought it was dangerous, and it was. I don't remember him giving me one since then. He always beat me with a broom straw. (Willie is laughing big time now.) And when he'd do it, it would bend. Now my mama, she'd tear me up. But you know, I don't remember talking bad to my daddy or my mama. I really don't. When they'd fuss and tell me to do something, I don't remember ever talking back. Really I don't, and I thank God for that.
One time I had a slingshot around the old wash pot there. She (his mama) had the fire going to heat the water to wash the clothes with, and I found a jar lid off of one of them jars you use to can stuff with. I had a slingshot and I put it in there and I shot her. It hit her on the face. Buddy, I got a tearin' up for that. And rightfully so. She took my slingshot and threw it in the fire and burned it up. I ain't never had another one since then. That was my last one. No more slingshots. I didn't know how to use one. I shot the wrong thing. Oh boy. I've been through some stuff now.
Oh yeah, I lived across the road from the schoolhouse. I lived back up in the fields some. I'd go up there on cold mornings and light the fire. I'd be able to crawl in the window at the schoolhouse and build a fire and then when the teachers got there I'd have a big fire going. That was cool. Yeah, I thought so.  (Can you hear the laughter?)

Where do you live now?
I live in Indian Land, South Carolina.

What's your favorite thing about where you live?
I love it out there. I live in the country on 8 acres in the woods. I have a big yard. I love it. I keep thanking God for it out there. Often I say, "Lord, I thank you for this place and I'm serious. I do." I'm thankful for it. It's a nice place. It's close to everything. Close to the mall. Close to Lowe's and Home Depot. Close to everything, really. Walmart. And I love Walmart. Yeah, I do. I don't get to go much. Lynn won't let me go. She always says, 'I'm going to Walmart.' She don't ever ask me to go with her. If I get to go I guess I have to take off and go. (Major laughter.)

What is your proudest achievement/accomplishment in life?
The best thing I can think of is when I got saved. I wasn't that bad, I don't think. I was drinking some. That's one reason I quit drinking. I was thinking about my family. First I quit smoking, and then I quit drinking. Quit smoking in February, quit drinking in July, and I got saved in September. The first Sunday after I got saved was the first Sunday in October. The time had changed. We went to church and there wasn't a soul there. The first thing that had come to my mind was the rapture had come and left us.

(Yep. He's laughing.)

I'm proud of my family. Oh yes. My wife. God gave me a good wife to help me. I thought I was gonna train her up. She was young. I thought I was gonna train her up in the way she should go, and that didn't work. She's trained me. And my children, my grandchildren, my greats. I'm telling you the truth, I'm so blessed. It's amazing how blessed I am. I just thank God. I've got 2 great-grands, and 2 on the way. It won't be long before I'll have 4 of them. I've got 3 grandchildren that aren't married. 6 are married. I've got 3 to go. It looks like my great-grands might be married before some of them are married. (Laughing!) Of course I was 25 before I got married so I can't say nothing.

What are the most important lessons you've learned in life?
What I'm learning now: The closer I can be to God, the better off I am. Put Him first in your life and you'll do great. You'll do good. And hard work will get you somewhere. And too much of it isn't good either. Which I did. I put my work before my family most of my life. I didn't want to, but I did. Of course I knew it was important to provide for them. I guess you can go to extremes with anything. But I'm thankful. God's taken care of me over these years.
(Willie pauses, and adds...) I'm happy, really. I've got my ticket. If I go, okay, and if I stay, okay. I'm not rushing it. But, I'm just ready to go. To leave here. I am.

Let's pause for a second. 

Okay. Moving on...

When are you the most happy (doing what)?
Well, let's see. I was cutting the grass out there on Friday. And I was a'singing. Bobby and them said they heard me singing. I was enjoying that.
Serving God is the best, really. I get the feeling that the anointing of the Holy Spirit is, to me, the best thing there is. There ain't nothing better. That's the best thing. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that I found the Lord. He knew where I was all the time. In fact, He knew me before I was born and He ain't never forgot me. I'm thankful for that. Hallelujah. I'm blessed. I'm really blessed. With my family, and everything. With my wife and children, grandchildren and greats. Couldn't ask for no more, no better.

You light up a room. Where does that come from?
I guess it's got to be God. I'm joyful and it's because of the Lord. I don't know what else it could be. It's got to be. That's it. I don't know what else it could be. I want to be a witness. I try to be a witness for the Lord. That's my prayer.

Dancing suits you. Have you always loved to dance?

Yep, I have. I used to dance when I was a kid. My dad was a banjo player. He had a band. They used to go around and play for square dances. I'd get out when I was real young and dance, and people would throw me money. And when I got through dancing I'd pick it up. I'd have my pockets full. They went to schoolhouses and clubs and put on a little show and I'd dance for that. The older I got, the more embarrassed I was, and sort of reserved, and I quit that.
Ginger: Didn't they give you a little hat to wear?
W: Oh yeah, I had a black hat with bells on it. Those girls, they liked that. They'd come up to me, and talk to me, and run after me. In fact, one got me. That one over there. I didn't have a hat on though, did I? I didn't need it. I used to make people laugh when I danced. I played music some too at those dances at the schoolhouses.
Ginger: So, your daddy had a band and you were in the band?

W: Well, yeah, sort of. I played some for dances at the schoolhouses, but I didn't play any other than that. They didn't think I was good enough, but I did.
Ginger: And then you have a bunch of grandchildren that have bands, or are in are in bands?
W: Oh yeah. I've got grand-youngins that play and sing. Man. They got it honest. My daddy, he was good.
I remember the first time I ever saw him drink a beer. Man, I did not like that. That was bad. Now that's not good, I thought. The doctor told him he needed to drink a beer a day. Some people use that for an excuse, and I don't know if he did or not. (Lots of laughing.) But I never did see him out of order. We were down at Crescent beach at the American Legion hut. They were having a square dance there, and he was outside and somebody gave him a beer. And that's when I saw him drink a beer. And that was the night that I got home and found I had a hundred dollar bill after dancing. A man had given it to me. I thought to myself, he didn't mean to give me that, I know he didn't. He was drunk and he didn't mean to do it. So, I went the next day and gave it back to him. He took it, and he thanked me. (Cracking up.) That was the kind of fella I was. Somebody said I ought to have kept it. Well, if I knew he meant to do it then I would have, but he didn't mean to do it.

You were dancing a lot with a little boy at the wedding. What do you see when you look at little ones like the little boy at the wedding?

I guess I see Jesus. It's precious. Jesus had a special thing for children. He said, 'Suffer little children to come unto me and forbid them not.' He loved children, and I do too. I love babies. They're special to me. I guess it was so precious to see that little boy dancing with me. That was sweet, sweet. The youngest and the oldest out there dancing together. I thought about that and thought it was cool.

Ginger: Tell them about the time you were dancing in church and you got into trouble.
W: Well, some of the people in the church where I went didn't like dancing and thought it was a sin to be dancing in church. I danced in church and they didn't like it. They brought me before the district board. I went up there and they were talking about it.
I got up and I says...

(Willie starts singing...)

David danced
before the Lord
He danced with all his might
His heart was filled
With holy joy
His spirit was so light

Now this is what his wife said...

Michal through
the window looked
To criticize his God
She didn't know that David
Had got the dancing heart...

Oh!

The Holy Ghost
will set your feet to dancing...
The Holy Ghost will thrill you
Through and through

The Holy Ghost
Will set your feet to dancing
And set your heart to dancing too
Hallelujah!

(I'm laughing and clapping for Willie's song!)

The moderator broke out and went to laughing and everybody else did too. And then they dismissed the case. Dancing's good sometimes. I enjoy it.

What's something you'd like to be remembered for?
Well, what I'd mostly like to be remembered for is for being a blessing to people, and for being a soul winner. That's what I would like most.
One time I went to this little store in Conway where I lived. I had been there a few times. I was witnessing to the boy, the fella that owned the place. Some time later he got in a car wreck. He was in the hospital. He couldn't talk. He was in critical condition. His wife could lay her head on his breast and communicate with him. Somehow or another he asked for me to go see him. He was in Florence, about 60 miles away. I went up there to see him in the hospital. I prayed with him and asked him if he had accepted the Lord, or did he want to. He wanted to, and he did. A couple days later he passed on. He died. That was precious to me. I remember that. That was one of the most memorable things in my life. And probably about the best...that I had something to do with bringing somebody to the Lord.
(Everyone is drying tears...including Willie.)

I got married. That was a good thing. And then I got saved. That was the next. And then I had babies. I thank God for it all. It's a blessing to me. I got some in-laws. They're pretty good. I got some good ones.

*******************************

And, that's the interview. Sweet, or what? Okay. One more dancing picture...  This is Willie, his grandson (and groom) Jonathan, and his son-in-law, Bobby (Ginger's husband).

I can't think of anything else to add to this post, except, thanks Willie. Thanks for your heart, and your life, and your mark on this world. Your legacy is incredible. Your life is awe-inspiring and your dancing is spectacular. Your stories will live on forever.

As the saying goes, you don't know me from Adam, but no matter, I love you just the same!

And thanks Ginger. I can tell your daddy thinks you hung the moon. Or, is it the other way around?

And a great big thanks to Jonathan and Christina for letting me crash your gorgeous wedding!

What a special family!

The Wiggles

As a family we collectively do not like The Wiggles. There I said it. Strange dancing, singing men. I bet they're kind people, we're just not into them. 

Enter yesterday afternoon. 

Me and the kids were scattered across the living room, taking a break from our day. I asked for the remote so I could change the channel because, you guessed it, The Wiggles were on. I hit, "Guide" on the remote to see what else was on. Claire and I instantly spotted, Austin and Ally, one of the girls' new favorite shows. Easy decision. And then, Avery interjected, "Wait. I want to see this." 

What? Hold the phone. Avery is as anti-Wiggles as the rest of us. 

I looked over at the tv and understood why. One of the Wiggles had lost his lovely maiden and was singing and dancing to find her. 

O-kay. 

I could tell Avery was lost in the storyline and really loved looking at the pretty maiden's curls down to there, tossed over her shoulder, and tied up in a velvet ribbon. I remember that part specifically because that darned Wiggle sang it over and over as he questioned common people as to the whereabouts of the love of his life.

Claire resentfully sat through the scene...after she obeyed my command to, hush it.

Avery was on the couch across from me with her arm up and her hand covering both eyes. She peeked through her fingers to watch the Wiggle at last find his love. They danced and sang together. I think she was nervous they might kiss. I'm sure she was blushing. She was swept away completely. I'm certain her siblings and I didn't exist for those 45 seconds. She was sucked in. My little hopeless romantic. 

Claire commented on the look of the lady, "She looks like she's like 40. Ugh." 

Avery shot a dirty look at her and disagreed, "She's pretty. Look at her hair." 

"Yeah, I like her hair too," Claire agreed. 

I like watching our kids watch the world. I like watching them participate in the world. I just plain like them. A lot. The more and more I watch them the more and more I wonder if Avery really does live in a fairy tale world most of the time. Party of one, (plus her imagination). She really is the freest of them all. She is flippant about many things. Things I'm waaay uptight about. I could stand to learn a thing or two from her. I'm afraid poor Claire is more like the grown up me. Thorough and thoughtful, careful and obedient. Granted she's the oldest, but sometimes she could stand to let loose a little more. You know, really savor 8 years old for everything it's worth. I may end up eating my words. Hmmm...
(Side note: Avery is A LOT like the younger me. She's sneaky now and then. I get her. I know her games.)

Anyway, thanks Wiggles for yesterday. Thanks for letting my Avery enter into your timeless tale of prince and princess, and happily ever after. (I think Claire came along for the ride too, but you didn't hear that from me.) And thanks for stomping all over our usual disdain for your antics. You succeeded in collectively capturing 4 Trask girls' attention, which isn't easy to do. Thanks for the break from life. Thanks for the memory. Thanks for letting me inhale the uniqueness of my beautiful girls as only their mama can.

And now, back to refinishing furniture. Josh told me to publicly promise to never refinish the girls' bedroom furniture again. I promise. Happy, babe? :) I honestly, seriously, promise. Oh, my aching body. But, on the upside, I did dust off my conviction that power sanders are seriously one of the coolest tools ever. DeWalt, if you ever need a girl to endorse your products, call me. 

Good Morning

"Momeeee? Can you curl my hair?"

Still half asleep, I look up from smearing peanut butter all over 2 pieces of bread to see my Avery Grace and her puppy dog eyes, desperate for curls today. She's wearing a long sleeved peach cotton dress with flowers all over it. She's looking way cute.

"Umm, I'm not sure. Maybe. But you can't wear that today. It's gonna be hot today. Remember? Wear something short-sleeved. Go change."

"But! Ugh! Mooommmm! I don't have anything else. I want to wear this."

"Avery. Go."

(Deep sigh trod upstairs.)

I'm at the slicing Avery's sandwich into triangles, and cutting crusts off Claire's sandwich phase of lunch packing when Avery reappears wearing something better. Claire's red and white striped dress, (that's too big for Claire - Claire, her older sister), with a long sleeved red shirt underneath. Topped off with a thick cotton red and pink striped sweater with a hood, buttoned wrong so that it sits cock-eyed on her, and finished off with a winter scarf wrapped neatly around her perfect neck.

Josh and I look at each other, trying not to destroy her with full-on laughter.  I'm awake now. Don't worry, babe. I've got this.

"No, baby. I said it's going to be hot today. You can't wear that. You have a long sleeved shirt on under there. No."

Claire pipes up, "Yeaaaah...that's because that dress goes down to here on her in the front. She has to wear something underneath." (Duh!)

Houston, we have a communication breakdown. Note to self, teach them the value of the saying, "Keep the main thing the main thing." I'm talking weather, and Claire's talking logistics.

Now, I laugh. Avery's not amused. Not even a *smidge. Josh seizes his opportunity and exits stage right. He knows a formidable foe when he see's her. All 48 pounds of her.

* Smidge = Avery's favorite term for measurement. For example, "Are you feeling better?" 
"Um, maybe like two smidges," as she holds up her thumb and pointer finger to show the precise distance of 2 smidges.

I'm getting off subject. (Wonder where the girls get that from?) 

Meanwhile Noelle is taking off her pajama shirt from the neck down so that it sits perfectly on her torso like a strapless halter top, only everything ladylike isn't covered. It's her preferred way of wearing (and destroying) neck holes in any and every shirt. Shirts beware!

Perfect.

"Okay. No. Go change again. Sorry baby. No. Don't cry. Just change."

So help me if she comes down in another long sleeved winter ensemble I might lose my  mind. Bless her heart. She's just trying to find a dress to match her vision of bouncy, beautiful curls, but we are running low on time. And I am specifically growing tired of playing fashion police. Move it girlfriend.

Take 3. Goodwill Easter dress special. Literally. It's a 100% polyester number with straps at the shoulders, no sleeves. Light green with light purple flowers slathered whimsically all over the sheer fabric. She bought it a few months ago during one of our thrift store trips, and she l-o-v-e-s it. I think it's just okay. But I definitely don't think of it as a school dress. Whatever. It will work. I tie the tie at her neck, glance at the clock, and we book it down the hall to get her curls going.

Claire, aka, relentless clock watcher, kill me now if we're going to be late girl, is slowly moving from cool and collected Claire to full-blown panic-ridden drill sergeant sister. She starts subtly asking how many curls are left, and then the checklist begins. "Where are your socks, Avery? Do you have your glasses?" and on and on. I encourage her to calm down and reassure her that she won't be late, but she's not buying it. She checks the clock for the third time in one minute and then starts moving at lightning speed to get out the door. Shoes on, backpack on back, standing in open doorway, swimming in stress, "Let's GO!"

"Claire, hush."

"Avery? Av-ray? AVERY!!! Are you done?"

I wonder if Claire bumped her head and somehow thinks she's now the mom and dad in the house. Hell-ooo? I'll be the mama, Claire. K.Thanks!  "Claire, STOP! We're almost done."

Major, not-so-quiet, Claire Bear sigh.

It's 7:31am and it's loud as all get out in our house. 

Like the guy who says whether the groundhog sees his shadow or not, I finally, at last, announce that we are done. Avery is ready. Everyone is relieved.

Avery and I hurry down the hall. We nearly crash into Josh, who has just returned from buckling our half naked 2-year-old into her car seat. I take that back. Her shirt isn't all the way off. It's now in the skirt position, but she is redeemed by the hoodie she must wear whenever she goes anywhere in the car. She has convictions, and she's serious about them.

I ask Josh to run upstairs to grab Avery a half sweater because it's not quite hot yet. She'll need it for the ride to school. He does a what-the-heck-is-a-half-sweater, and moreover where does one find such a thing dad sigh/grunt and makes a run for it. I clarify, "Get the pink one." He returns with 2 choices. Avery chose the full length hot pink one with fancy buttons. I resign from commenting any further on her fashion decisions. I am Mom. And I am done.

"See you after school. Love you."

For all you Moms out there who keep up with fashion and try to tow the line on trendy, good for you. As for me and my house, we will keep it real. I will not allow my kids to leave the house dressed inappropriately for the season, for fear of overheating and misery on their part, but I will not engage them in fashion wars unless what they pick out falls into the travesty/inappropriate category, which rarely happens anyway. I honestly care only just a little bit about what they wear. The battle's too big for me. Too exhausting. Plus, for the most part, my girls make great fashion choices. Claire rides the wave of conservative and simple. Avery pushes the envelope every chance she gets. Not in the risqué sense, but in the, I know what I like and I don't care if you do or don't sort of way. And Noelle struggles with keeping clothing on her body. She's 2. There's still time to correct this.   We all have our issues. 

(Deep breath.) 

It's 7:40am. Where's that baby boy of mine? It's time to feed him. 

7. A quick book report.

If you don't have a Nicole Roberts in your life, you should get one. But not her, she's mine. (haha!) Nicole is my treasure-hunting friend. She's great at the biblical call to uncover hidden treasure in people, but she's also super good at scouting out the best deals, sales, recipes, books, and she'll even preview movies for me and gauge whether I'm mature enough to handle them or not. See? Shes great! A true friend. She often makes my life easier. Anyway, she's the one who told me about, (insisted that I read), 7 by Jen Hatmaker. And it's awesome. 

You can read the publishers press release about the book and sort of shrug like I did, thinking it's just another self-help book, or you could obey your friend, and buy the book. I did both. Shrug, and then obey. And then I cried. And laughed, like, A LOT. This book is hilarious! And then I did a lot of thinking, reflecting, examining, and eventually, inevitably, I found myself fighting off the urge to vomit over how far off course I was. I am. We are. It's deep, you guys. Deep. 

Here are some of the takeaways for our family.
* We are rich compared to most of the world. Like, loaded. And selfish. (Enter gut-wrenching sad face.) We are shifting our thinking in this area, determined to feed our greedy hearts less, and our impoverished neighbors more. Starting here at home. And just so we're clear, we plan to brainwash our children accordingly.
One small goal for us will be to spend $105-/mos. like this.
$20- for a child's pair of tennis shoes, donated to our daughters' elementary school.
$25- for a pair of adult tennis shoes for a homeless woman or man.
$25- loan to help fund a small business through kiva.org.
$35- to sponsor a child abroad and/or to stop child trafficking.
Small amount of money...big potential.
* We will waste less and care for the earth more. No more romping around like we own this place, leaving a huge trail of trash in our wake. We country folk will recycle. We will use what we have. We will attempt to shop more responsibly, and from fair-trade companies when we can. 
* We will serve where we can, when we can, not veering away from opportunities to meet the less fortunate face-to-face. Speaking of face-to-face. We hope to love our neighbors a little better. 
* We will give our kids room to be passionate about what they're interested in. For Claire, it's helping the deaf (her idea, pre-book). And Avery will continue to address the human flight crisis. Meaning, she's 6 and wants more than anything to fly like a bird.
I wonder what the littlest ones will pursue.
* We will do church the way church was meant to be done. (Read the book...meaning, the Bible.) No offense intended.
* We will simplify, pare down and live within our means, and maybe even below our means. (Wouldn't that be something!!)
* We will continue to try not to waste food. "No, you may not be done! Finish your food!" Just like the book...just because you know there's more food in the pantry doesn't mean you get to throw dinner in the trashcan because it's not your favorite. No ma'am, no sir.
* We will try to pray differently. More focused, vast, yet precise prayers.
* We will try to fast Isaiah 58 style. "Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them and do not hide from relatives who need your help."
* We will tattoo Matthew 25:40 onto our hearts. “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’"

This list is incomplete. We will probably fail in many of these areas, but we will try. And we will not give up. Lord, let us never give up. 

The author said something that ruined me. She talked about how there is more slavery today than any other time in history. And then she said something like, "When my grandchildren ask me what I did to end slavery I want to have something to say." 

And so do I. So do we.

I know this all seems ultra noble and maybe even pretentious, but it's the result of an awakening that's occurred in my soul. I honestly feel like I just woke up after a long winter's nap. Like I'm stretching, squinting, blinking,  and processing where I've been and what's in store. I'm happy for this new day. I'm ready for it.  I'm ready to live closer to the heart of God than I ever have before. And I'll do it in the simplest, most plain way possible. 

Good morning world. My name is Jenny.

Okay, my turn to take a crack at the married couple questionnaire. I'm certain I'll look back on this in 10, 20, 75 years and think, "Oh, I was so naive." Or maybe not. I'm sure I'll think something. :) Either way, here goes.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
I had a dream of my husband before I met Josh. The dream came right after I renounced all dating, declaring to the Lord that I would like to be a single missionary forever because dating stinks, and so do guys. :) That night I had a dream, and saw my husband's hair and silhouette...and I fell in love. We met a few months later. We knew about a week into dating that we had found 'the one.' I wasn't scared for the first time in my life. I was something more like, over-the-moon.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
Because I told him every, (and I mean every), ugly detail about my past and he looked at me afterwards and said, "I love you." It only confirmed what I already knew in my heart...that he was the one I loved for my whole life.

3. Is there anything you would do differently after almost 10 years of marriage? 
Relax sooner. Let go of insecurities faster. Determine to use my words more wisely. Show my love and appreciation for my husband more freely. Other than that I wouldn't change a thing...especially not these munchkins of ours!

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there? 
I like the answer a friend of mine had, so I'll steal it... Remember that God is faithful to provide all of your needs.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received? 
These came from my husband, directed to me. He's always said, divorce isn't an option. (Thank God! I've never wanted to divorce him, but I might've divorced me already if I were him.) 
And he once told me, "I just need you to get on my team." That changed me. I realized that I wasn't playing as a team. It was a benchmark moment in my life. 
We've also learned the importance of fighting fair. We aren't allowed to use the words, 'always' and 'never' when we fight. (Ie. You 'always' do that.) It's not fair and it doesn't give the other person any credit for growth.
Also, keep the main thing the main thing. (Thanks Rick Joyner.)
And my advice... Take time to learn about the differences between the male and female brain. We are different creatures. We think and operate so differently. Learning about this was a huge light bulb moment in my life. 

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse? 
For me it's the deep down security of knowing that he loves me with all his heart, and that he prefers me and likes me. And also the basics, that he's a Christian and loves the Lord with all his heart. I also find great security in knowing that he can fix or build anything. That he would kill anything that tried to harm us. And that he's an inventive genius. I also like the way he sings and plays music. He's gifted to the max. I'm proud to be his wife. 

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory? 
I don't know. They're all mixed in with all the fun moments of our marriage. I liked getting my treadmill that one year on V Day. I also liked getting a shotgun another year on V Day. 

8. You got married young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple? 
We had to hold on to our marriage while we learned to become one. We were 23 (me) and 21 (him) when we got married. Now we realize that our individuality is beautiful and wonderful, (we've learned to really savor the uniqueness we see in each other), but like the 85 year couple said, we are stronger together. 

9. What is your fondest memory of your 10-year marriage? 
Our kids for sure. And also the songs Josh has written for me and the house he built for us.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience? 
Yes! You learn to NOT become so easily offended. Laughing during disagreements is much more the norm these days. Learning about the differences between the male and female brain has helped me greatly with patience. For example, if Josh is listening to some complicated jazz ensemble on the radio I know that he is lost somewhere in his mind, inventing some new contraption, and therefore talking to him won't be nearly as effective as it would be if I wait to talk to him until later. :) 

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? 
I hate it. But, I complain a lot less than I used to because I really try to focus on the significance of why we're apart, and also that we made the decision together that the trip was necessary. But, I prefer being together.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves? 
I chose him. He chooses me. Divorce isn't an option. This too shall pass. Most of all, I love him!

13. Is fighting important?
Definitely. Bottled up emotions only result in untimely, ugly explosions. Talking, disagreeing, airing grievances, etc. is so key. Women are better at this...we talk way more...men like to stuff feelings more. It's a process to meet in the middle. Have a fight. Fight fair. And make up. It's healthy. But no fighting in front of the kids. We've done this...much to our embarrassment.

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else? 
At the end of the day, everything else can leave, but as long as we have each other and our kids, we'll be okay. And the Lord is the head of our home.

I love hearing answers to these questions. If you're so inclined, take the quiz yourself and message it to me. Like I said before...I love free wisdom! :)

Love & Marriage...they go together like a horse & carriage...

Remember that theme song? You were singing along, weren't you? :) You'll be relieved to know I'm not going to write about Al & Peg Bundy. Not this time. Although I am half distracted thinking back on those ridiculous episodes I used to get a kick out of when I was little. Such a weird dynamic in that house. (sigh)

Anyway, back to the blog...it's all about l-o-v-e.

This past Valentine's Day I came across an interview done between the folks at twitter and the world record holders for the longest living married couple. 85 years. Whoa! It was sweet to the brim. I cried. I like marriage. I love being married. I also love gleaning wisdom from those who've been at it longer than Josh and I have. (This June marks 10 big ones for us. Or would they be 10 little ones when you compare our run to 85 years? No worries. That will be us in 75 years.)

So, taking inspiration from the good folks at twitter, and advantage of some friends that are role models to me where marriage is concerned, I replicated the interview and posed the same questions to a few couples. Here are the first two I'll share.

Couple 1:

Meet Scott and Deb Williams. Married for 30 years. Cry over a few answers like I did. And laugh at others. Either way, wrap up their secrets and put them in your marriage wisdom pocket to be pulled out as needed. Cheers!

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
We made each other laugh! And yes, we were both scared because we both had previous bad relationships.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
It was just a feeling for both of us (neither of us were walking with the Lord). I am actually the one who told Scott, "We are going to get married." I just knew.

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
Not really. I mean, marriage is a process. It is learning to give constantly. There are so many elements to marriage. There is the physical love, the emotional love, the friendship, and all of those come and go. It is learning to be content where you are, riding out the storms when the come, and remembering that God is in control no matter what.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
WAIT!! Young people are in too much of a hurry. No one should settle. Everything should be in place...a person should not compromise.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Keep the Lord above everything, as your first love.

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Haha. I think that this is really something that is individual. What might make a good spouse to one may be totally different to another. For me, it is knowing that my husband is the head of my household, that he can really take care of me. I never worry about things breaking or being protected. Those things are important to me. We have weathered quite a bit, and as you get older the things that made him a good husband when he was 20 are still what makes him a good husband at 50!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Taking a quilt out in the middle of field in the country and just being together. :)

8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We got married at 22. It is difficult to marry young. We had to learn who we were as individuals as well as learn to grow as one as a couple. The key is giving each other space to be who they are...which is hard to do when  you are young.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
The two beautiful daughters we have. :)

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes, it does because your relationship really becomes one of genuine friendship. As far as patience, it just comes with age and time. The things that bothered you at 20 do not bother you at 50. Haha.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? Rejoicing! Haha. We never have been apart more than a few days. But those times apart are actually good for the relationship. It is during those times you can develop as a person and do things you would not normally do when your spouse is there.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Try not to go to bed angry. Everything is better in the morning sun. :)

13. Is fighting important?
Yes. Get it out. It is important to verbalize your feelings and emotions, but be careful not to do it in anger.

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are best friends.

Sweet, right? It's a process...that's key!

Couple 2:

Here's another one. Only this time it's anonymous. It's packed full of good stuff...hang on, take it all in. If you're a crybaby like me, you'll probably cry again.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all? 
TERRIFIED! I have four older sisters who had all been married and divorced before I ever got married.  He was fearless.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you? 
I prayed and got an answer.  He heard it when he met me.

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage? 
30 years....mmmm...I would have gotten to the good parts sooner.  lol  I would have decided that small things are SMALL things.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there? 
God is faithful to provide for all of our needs.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received? 
Never mother your husband.  If his alarm clock goes off and he does not get up, let him live with the consequences.  If you begin mothering, you will always mother.  Best advice I ever got.  

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse? 
Truthfulness, faithfulness, love for God, love for family...

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory? 
My husband brought a dozen roses to each of us: Me, my daughter, and my niece who was living with us.  Sweet!  Each of them were our favorite color of roses.  We normally do not celebrate Valentine's day since we try to make everyday Valentine's.

8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple? 
We grew up together.  We did the same classes together and have grown more than one business together.  We do have VERY different interests, but there are so many we have that are the same.  I prayed for him to become the man God wanted him to be (many times) so he would not become what I wanted him to be.  I like God's handiwork.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage? 
7th and 17th....when our two kids were born....lots of adjustments but so worth it  Oh, and our son was a 'girl'....by all sonograms.  He was a lovely surprise.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience? 
We have found that some things don't have to be said anymore.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? 
I learned to get a backbone and just weather it.  We have done this A LOT...and I mean A LOT.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
  I love him.

13. Is fighting important? 
Ugh...NO...disagreement is.  Stay an individual and not mind-melding clones.  He is a guy and thinks like a guy.  I most certainly do not want him to think like I do.  Life would be dull without that.

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else? 
Love for God and people, our KIDS and each other!

PS: The most fun thing about our relationship is that he is an adventurer.I just grab him and hang on tightly. Guys tend to be the risk takers.  I try to not squelch that.  It gets us
into some trouble, but it has not killed anyone. Ha!

Amazing, right? Thought provoking for sure! Did you grow? I think I did.

Special thanks to my friends who lead busy, busy lives and still took the time to share wisdom with all of us who like to get things for free. Lessons and wisdom are the best kind of freebies if you ask me!

To read the interview that inspired me, visit: http://blacklikemoi.com/2012/02/black-news-2/relationship-advice-from-the-longest-living-married-couple-married-for-85-years/