The cat's out of the bag, baby #4 is on his way!
(I said, 'his!' Isn't that miraculous? A baby boy has finally come along, last in line, after a good run of sugar and spice, and everything girl! And we couldn't be more thrilled!)
This pregnancy is my biggest reason for my blog writing sabbatical. I like to write about things that are in the forefront of my mind, or pressing persistently on my heart, and, well, a baby will do that to a Mama! I'm not one to break baby news right away, anyway. It's a matter of preference for me. I like to cherish her/him in my heart first, and also make sure things are coming along nicely as far as health is concerned, before I/we make the big announcement. So, here we are, 20 weeks in, and I finally feel like I want to blog about my angel baby #4. (I've wanted to tell you all about it for some time now. Like the minute the two lines appeared, or the morning after my dream, but I had to refrain. You understand.)
So, a quick little back story.
(** Warning to the not-so-spiritual: Might want to pack it up, and leave now if you're not so into Jesus, like I am. If you decide to linger on and read, please no eye-rolling, or heavy, sarcastic sighing. This story is precious to me. **)
Okay, moving right along.
One night in April, 2011 I found myself in dreamland. It was business as usual for me. I was caught up in some ordinary Jenny dream, when a different dream interrupted for a brief couple minutes.
A commercial break, if you will.
In that dream I heard the sound of the most complex, intricate drum beat I'd ever heard. It was a beat no solitary drummer could make on his/her own. It was way too involved. I realized that the sound was coming from a Doppler heart monitor placed on my belly. I looked up at the doctor who was listening to the heartbeat, and hesitantly asked, "Is that my baby's heartbeat?" The doctor shook his head, yes, with a look of giddy excitement on his face.
I remember pausing for a brief second to process/reflect, and then I looked back up at the doctor with a sort of puzzled, inquisitive look on my face. I remember raising objections in my mind, like,
"But, we're done."
"Wait, that's a boy. Is there really one more? How could I say, no, if there's another little Trask in heaven, waiting to come down?"
We met gazes for a moment. It was like he heard all of my thoughts, even though they occurred only in my heart in a simultaneous-combustive-unorganized sort of way. He looked at me with a look I've seen on my one year old's face. That familiar, 'I'm-so-excited, and definitely up to something' mischievous look.
And then I remember him saying, only without words, "What do you want to know? I'll tell you anything you want to know." Same look on his face. Wide, enticing, about-to-burst, eyes, with a coy, encouraging smile.
I shook my head, no, and somehow backed out of the dream.
Commercial over. And I'm back to my regularly scheduled dream programming.
I woke up the next morning in normal Mama mode, processing the upcoming day, organizing my to-do list, thinking about Josh, etc., etc., (this all happens in a matter of seconds, by the way). Thoughts are flying. I'm exchanging good morning's with Josh, when I stop mid-sentence and say,"Oh my gosh. I just remembered. I had a dream last night."
Josh can tell it made an impression on me. He's all ears. I tell him the dream. He smiles. I smile too, although I'm a total confused mess.
There is a serious subject on the table. A matter of life. I need to investigate. I'm a woman. It's what I do.
Later in the morning I find myself deep in thought, in a house now quiet from little girl chatter. My thoughts merge from my mind and heart, right into a heavy conversation with the Lord. There's no formal hello's exchanged between us. We just get right down to business.
I think it started like this.
"Was that you in my dream? Are you sure about this? We just can't have another baby. We need to be able to financially support another child first. I want to be responsible. If that dream was just a whim, I need to know."
We, (God and I), both knew it wasn't a whim. I know when I have God dreams. I knew that morning it was a God dream. I suppose I was trying to put the Lord on notice, reminding Him that I really want to be responsible so that He can trust me/us with more. And that my biggest heart's desire is to be obedient to Him. (I've learned by now that when we follow the Lord's plan for our lives, we live out of exceeding, abundant joy, happiness and provision.) I was serious. I'm sure He was yawning.
I'll be honest, deep down I loved the idea of one more child. A BFF for Noelle. A (possible) little boy for Josh to call, "buddy!" I was totally on board in my heart, but my mind needed confirmation.
So, I continue carrying on with the Lord when I put my hands in my jean pockets to smooth them flat. (I was getting ready for the day. Bunchy pockets give you odd shaped hips. Haha!) I felt something in my right pocket. It was wadded up money. I know money when I feel it, even though I almost never have cash.
So, in classic Jenny reasoning I put the Lord on the spot. I said, out loud, "If this is four one dollar bills, then I'll know this us You, and that everything will be taken care of." (Four one dollar bills = four kids. You get it.) :-)
And what do you know? $4.00 exactly. I smiled. I stopped rambling. I tucked the dollar bills away for safe keeping, and then I was quiet. I looked into the mirror and started fixing my hair. I couldn't get that one-year-old happy little look off my face. We were going to have another baby. And it just might be a boy this time.
So, here we are 20 weeks in. Half way done. We made plans to keep the baby's gender a surprise until he/she arrived...and then yesterday happened. Ultrasound time. We went in for our appointment at 9:30am. I told the technician that we weren't sure if we wanted to know what the baby's gender is.
I said, "Unless it's entirely obvious to us, we don't want you to tell us. Instead we'd like you to write it down on a piece of paper so we can look later if we want to." It was kind of like the game I played with the Lord. A gamble, if you will.
Our eyes were glued to the tv screen during the scan. And then, BAM, something unusual appeared. Something I had not seen during my 3 girls' ultrasounds. It was unmistakable. I blurted out, "It's a boy!!!!" I was laughing. Josh was laughing. Uncontrollable joy. I even hit the technician in the arm and said, "Isn't that the cutest little boy you've ever seen?" She laughed and shook her head, yes. (I know she lied. She has a little boy of her own - every parent swears hers is the finest looking child - but she couldn't resist agreeing with my over-the-moon joy, so she agreed!) I'm right, by the way! ;-)
And that's most of our story, to-date. There are other precious pieces of this story, but those will remain in my heart for me to cherish.
In short, we are a blessed Trask family! We can't wait to meet our son!