Anyway, back to the blog...it's all about l-o-v-e.
This past Valentine's Day I came across an interview done between the folks at twitter and the world record holders for the longest living married couple. 85 years. Whoa! It was sweet to the brim. I cried. I like marriage. I love being married. I also love gleaning wisdom from those who've been at it longer than Josh and I have. (This June marks 10 big ones for us. Or would they be 10 little ones when you compare our run to 85 years? No worries. That will be us in 75 years.)
So, taking inspiration from the good folks at twitter, and advantage of some friends that are role models to me where marriage is concerned, I replicated the interview and posed the same questions to a few couples. Here are the first two I'll share.
Couple 1:
Meet Scott and Deb Williams. Married for 30 years. Cry over a few answers like I did. And laugh at others. Either way, wrap up their secrets and put them in your marriage wisdom pocket to be pulled out as needed. Cheers!
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
We made each other laugh! And yes, we were both scared because we both had previous bad relationships.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
It was just a feeling for both of us (neither of us were walking with the Lord). I am actually the one who told Scott, "We are going to get married." I just knew.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
Not really. I mean, marriage is a process. It is learning to give constantly. There are so many elements to marriage. There is the physical love, the emotional love, the friendship, and all of those come and go. It is learning to be content where you are, riding out the storms when the come, and remembering that God is in control no matter what.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
WAIT!! Young people are in too much of a hurry. No one should settle. Everything should be in place...a person should not compromise.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Keep the Lord above everything, as your first love.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Haha. I think that this is really something that is individual. What might make a good spouse to one may be totally different to another. For me, it is knowing that my husband is the head of my household, that he can really take care of me. I never worry about things breaking or being protected. Those things are important to me. We have weathered quite a bit, and as you get older the things that made him a good husband when he was 20 are still what makes him a good husband at 50!
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Taking a quilt out in the middle of field in the country and just being together. :)
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We got married at 22. It is difficult to marry young. We had to learn who we were as individuals as well as learn to grow as one as a couple. The key is giving each other space to be who they are...which is hard to do when you are young.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
The two beautiful daughters we have. :)
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
Yes, it does because your relationship really becomes one of genuine friendship. As far as patience, it just comes with age and time. The things that bothered you at 20 do not bother you at 50. Haha.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time? Rejoicing! Haha. We never have been apart more than a few days. But those times apart are actually good for the relationship. It is during those times you can develop as a person and do things you would not normally do when your spouse is there.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Try not to go to bed angry. Everything is better in the morning sun. :)
13. Is fighting important?
Yes. Get it out. It is important to verbalize your feelings and emotions, but be careful not to do it in anger.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are best friends.
Sweet, right? It's a process...that's key!
Couple 2:
Here's another one. Only this time it's anonymous. It's packed full of good stuff...hang on, take it all in. If you're a crybaby like me, you'll probably cry again.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
TERRIFIED! I have four older sisters who had all been married and divorced before I ever got married. He was fearless.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
I prayed and got an answer. He heard it when he met me.
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 30 years of marriage?
30 years....mmmm...I would have gotten to the good parts sooner. lol I would have decided that small things are SMALL things.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
God is faithful to provide for all of our needs.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Never mother your husband. If his alarm clock goes off and he does not get up, let him live with the consequences. If you begin mothering, you will always mother. Best advice I ever got.
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Truthfulness, faithfulness, love for God, love for family...
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
My husband brought a dozen roses to each of us: Me, my daughter, and my niece who was living with us. Sweet! Each of them were our favorite color of roses. We normally do not celebrate Valentine's day since we try to make everyday Valentine's.
8. You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
We grew up together. We did the same classes together and have grown more than one business together. We do have VERY different interests, but there are so many we have that are the same. I prayed for him to become the man God wanted him to be (many times) so he would not become what I wanted him to be. I like God's handiwork.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 30-year marriage?
7th and 17th....when our two kids were born....lots of adjustments but so worth it Oh, and our son was a 'girl'....by all sonograms. He was a lovely surprise.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
We have found that some things don't have to be said anymore.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
I learned to get a backbone and just weather it. We have done this A LOT...and I mean A LOT.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
I love him.
13. Is fighting important?
Ugh...NO...disagreement is. Stay an individual and not mind-melding clones. He is a guy and thinks like a guy. I most certainly do not want him to think like I do. Life would be dull without that.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
Love for God and people, our KIDS and each other!
PS: The most fun thing about our relationship is that he is an adventurer.I just grab him and hang on tightly. Guys tend to be the risk takers. I try to not squelch that. It gets us
into some trouble, but it has not killed anyone. Ha!
Amazing, right? Thought provoking for sure! Did you grow? I think I did.
Special thanks to my friends who lead busy, busy lives and still took the time to share wisdom with all of us who like to get things for free. Lessons and wisdom are the best kind of freebies if you ask me!
To read the interview that inspired me, visit: http://blacklikemoi.com/2012/02/black-news-2/relationship-advice-from-the-longest-living-married-couple-married-for-85-years/
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